There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
thus making me awesome and them whores
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
