why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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