The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
should my penis look like a turkey
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
