I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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