My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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