Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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