I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
