Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
