D3 body, D1 cock
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
