i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
