Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
