Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
