and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
