Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
