6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
