My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
