If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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