You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
