I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
