hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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