If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
