omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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