On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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