Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
