Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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