what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
