And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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