I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
