I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
