If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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