Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
