No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
