Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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