I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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