If i come over, it means nothing
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
