My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
