We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
