Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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