I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
