Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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