I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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