I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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