ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
