beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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