chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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