WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
