If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
