just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
