the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
