Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
