Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
