Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
