and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
