at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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