he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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