During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
